Teaching your child how to ride a bike and seeing him/her learning how to do it is a memorable milestone for both of you. It is a skill that most parents are proud to teach their children while at the same time using it as a way to make the parent and child bond stronger. However, it isn’t as easy as it looks. Most of the time, it will result in bruises and abrasions on the child and backbreaking experiences for dads. Still, it is worthwhile to see them slowly making progress and learning how to balance on their own.
It’s easy for most guys to become someone’s baby daddy. However, it’s hard to become an actual father to a child. We know that it’s a no-brainer that both parents are vital in making sure that a child will grow up correctly, most of the credits usually go to the mother. And that is wrong because fathers also play a fundamental role in the family and more in a child’s overall development. Sure, not all dads are good enough to be given recognition but how about those who work hard every day just to give their families the kind of life they deserve?
There are a lot of things I wanted to ask my children, but I am too afraid to do so. There have been some questions that needed answers, and I needed to get it straight from them, but then I couldn’t. Being a father is a tough job because you always have to show your kids that things are okay even if it’s not. You can’t reveal them your weakness or all else will fall apart.
Do you sometimes feel that you’re too busy working and you realized you haven’t given enough time for your kid? It is undeniably true that a father’s duty demands a lot of time in the workplace compared to the amount of time he has to be at home. Though that’s the typical thing to happen, dads should take time to exert effort in providing specific activities with his kids. Here are some of the things he can do to maintain a father and kids bonding.
The relationship that we have with our dads can be quite complicated at times, especially if you’re a boy. Unlike what many people think, sons don’t always get along with their fathers. Do you know why? It’s because we don’t regularly share the same interests and opinions with them. And this difference often causes communication problems which can further damage or strain the already rocky relationship.
“[T]he relationship between father and child can have a significant impact on the child’s tendencies toward depression and behavior problems,” says Rick Nauert, PhD.
Not all fathers are the same, that’s a given fact. However, for those who are doing an excellent job at being a Dad, it is our duty as their children to thank them for it. Because without them we won’t be here, that’s why. No seriously, we need to give them more credit for the things they have done and are still doing for us. They won’t be here forever, that’s why we need to start showing them how much they mean to us.
Parents are always responsible for their kid’s actions, and as much as they want them to learn new things in life, there will invariably be a time when kids will eventually commit mistakes. As a father, I used to hit my child as a way of informing him that what he did was wrong and it was punishable. As a parent, I thought I should be in control of every situation. I administered physical abuse following my anger. It became a routine that spanking was a necessity for my disciplinary practice. Little did I know that it was the worst part of my parenting method because it created a lasting harmful effect on my child’s overall development.
“Physical punishment elicits precisely the negative affects one does not want in parent-child relationships and in socializing children: distress, anger, fear, shame, and disgust.” Paul C Holinger M.D. explains.
Justifying The Act
Spanking (or also known as corporal punishment) enables a child’s brain to react alarmingly so they can respond to the process accordingly. In other words, when you hit a child, part of his brain (prefrontal cortex) shuts down the center of their reasoning and judgment and only reacts to ridiculous fear. “According to attachment theory, important parts of the child’s brain are highly activated under conditions of threat (e.g., separation, physical assault). Spanking is a condition of threat.” Gail Goodman, Ph.D. says. It seems to work in some cases and scenarios because children then understand the concept of right and wrong. It gives us parents the ability to impose unbreakable rules that teach children to follow consequently.
The Result In Children At Early Stage
Physical punishment on a child can inflict more serious harm that parents often ignore. The kid becomes more aggressive and withdrawn, and that initially endangers his mental and psychological health. It affects the child’s emotional entitlement and loses his self-worth. He becomes distant and secretive and sometimes eventually ends up with lying just to get away with the punishment. A child grows more insensitive and finds it hard to trust people around him. He may use his traumatic experience to devalue his worth.
The Result In The Adolescent Stage
Spanking is considered physical abuse and the more we continue to practice it, the more it promotes anger on our child. He may end up realizing that physical violence is normal and is not something to address. He will likely use it as a mode of interaction with his peers and validate the action for a personal reason. The child will eventually show severe psychological drawbacks from spanking where they’ll turn out to become egocentric and antisocial.
The Adulthood Aftermath
When a child experienced physical abuse at an early stage and continued to receive punishment in the adolescent years, he will (most likely) develop violent behaviors until his adulthood. He will become short-tempered. He will have a mindset that physical abuse is normal and use it to attain dominance in the house. He will have problems dealing with anger management that can eventually result in domestic violence. According to Jessica Kendorski, Ph.D., “Brain science is showing us that warmth and nurture are essential to brain development.”
As I observed, my kid grew up and became the person I didn’t expect him to become. I blamed myself for every physical abuse I made in the past. It was not worth it. It didn’t help me in any way. I thought I was currently doing the right thing but the violence I imprinted on his physical, emotional, and mental health was beyond a parental sin. Spanking doesn’t work in promoting good behavior. Instead, it creates another generation of abusive parents that damage their child’s well-being.
A father is one of the significant factors that make a home complete. Without him, the whole aspect of a child’s healthy development can encounter complications. The importance of their role is inevitable because they are a contributor to a child’s overall well-being. It is the father’s responsibility to be there for his kid and support his psychological functions. Without him, a fatherless child will intensely suffer in both emotional and mental states.
While almost anyone can make a baby and create a life, not everyone can take the role of a father and stick around in a child’s life. Just like mothers, fathers’ roles are vital in the development of a child’s emotional and mental well-being.
According to Dr. David Popenoe, co-director of the National Marriage Project, fathers are far more than just “second adults” in the home. Biological fathers who are more involved with their children provide care and benefits that no other person can offer. They are the ones who extend protection and act as an ideal male role model for their children.
Influence Of A Father To A Child’s Development
Fathers who are more hands-on to their children’s academic and learning process administer a sense of well-being and self-confidence. For example, children with fathers who have a better educational background tend to do better in school. Communication between a father and a child also results in a more expansive vocabulary and more complex language skills.
Fathers are also more likely to challenge their children to try new things. When faced with this, children tend to believe in their capabilities to tackle difficult situations. “We found that fathers who are involved with their children have children with fewer problems,” says Maureen Black, PhD.
Emotional And Social Development
How a father treats their children influence their social and emotional development. Children might adopt the way their father talks to them and treats them. “Our first attachment patterns shape our expectations for future attachments.” explains Jennifer Kromberg PsyD. “So a woman’s early relationship with dad, who is usually the first male object of her love, shapes her conscious and unconscious perceptions of what she can expect and what is acceptable in a romantic partner (for heterosexual women).” Fathers who engage with their child’s hobbies and interests results in a socially competent personality. At the same time, these children are most likely to have a better ability to build friendships and control their emotions.
Children with involved fathers can improve how they tolerate stress and frustration, are better at problem-solving and have better control over their impulses. According to Ditta M. Oliker Ph.D. “The influence of a father’s involvement extends into adolescence and young adulthood.”
A father’s influence does not stop with how they treat their children. How a husband treats his wife dramatically affects his relationship with his children too. When both are in a peaceful, healthy marriage, fathers are probably more involved in childcare responsibilities and have better relationships with their kids. Men who are committed to their marriages are usually committed to everything that goes with it, especially children.
Ways In Which Fathers Can Show Their Influence
Engaging in thought processes
Ability to provide
Engaging in their child’s activities/hobbies
Simply being available
Not all fathers can commit to the level of involvement they’d like to have. Despite life circumstances, challenging situations, or other factors, fathers can still provide a positive and nurturing influence in their children’s lives with proper support and understanding.
Both fathers and mothers have different styles of parenting. It makes the role of the fathers as crucial as that of the mothers because they can provide a feeling of security, both physically and emotionally.
In a more general sense, fathers need to understand that their kids are always watching them and whatever action they take matters. Being a good father is not only about being present but also genuinely caring for his children and inculcating good behavior in them.
There’s an incomprehensible responsibility when we talk about father and daughter relationship. It is more of a commitment to what benefits one person rather than the other. It has something to do with the unconditional love and care that corresponds with fear and worries. It sets inseparable boundaries to a specific father-daughter relationship.